Siblings Without Rivalry Summary

Summary of Siblings Without Rivalry Book by Adele Faber, Elaine Mazlish

Name: Siblings Without Rivalry
Rating: 4.7 (1938 reviews)
Author: Adele Faber, Elaine Mazlish

4.7 . 1938 reviews

Short summary

Siblings Without Rivalry offers practical tools parents need to cope with conflict and reduce competition between their kids. It teaches them how to make a difference through their words and actions to achieve peace in their homes. Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish are American authors who studied with the late child psychologist Dr. Haim Ginott. They are former New School for Social Research faculty members in New York and the Family Life Institute of Long Island University. Faber and Mazlish have group workshop programs that many teacher and parent groups worldwide use to improve relationships with children. They have appeared on major television talk shows like Oprah and Good Morning America. The tidbit, Siblings Without Rivalry, was named the #1 New York Times best-selling guide to reducing hostility and generating goodwill between siblings. “The mere existence of an additional child or children in the family could signify LESS. Less time alone with parents. Less attention for hurts and disappointments.” ~ Adele Faber, Elaine Mazlish

13 min

7 key points

6 insights

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Table of content

Summary of Siblings Without Rivalry
About the author
What is Siblings Without Rivalry about?
Who should read Siblings Without Rivalry
Topics in Siblings Without Rivalry

first key point

Sibling rivalry happens even when parents are intentional about their parenting style

Listen the first key point

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Sibling rivalry, competition, jealousy, and fighting between brothers and sisters, are primary concerns for parents with more than one child. Actor Stewart Stafford expounded on this when he said: “The eldest child is the golden one, the middle child invisible, and the youngest child is loud.” Most parents decide to have another child so their first won't be lonely, but this doesn't seem to be the children's plan. Sibling rivalry happens due to many emotional factors, such as one child feeling less loved by the parents or insecure or in constant competition with their sibling. These factors vary, but for some intentional parents who are supportive and deliberate about their children’s lives, these elements do not show up in their parenting styles. It makes one wonder what causes this constant fighting in the home.

Parents should remember that sibling rivalry does not define anyone’s identity; they should be comfortable seeing their kids compete.

In Dr. Haim Ginott's parent-guidance group, Adele Faber understood that sibling rivalry happens in all generations, significantly affecting each child. For example, group participant Stella shared her experience during the session. She said her parents and everyone consistently compared her to her elder sister Sandra during their fights. As a result, she grew up not believing she was good enough or looked beautiful, even after a compliment, and it defined her personality. For most children, sibling rivalry doesn't leave any lifelong effect, but for some, it shapes their attitudes, behaviors, and even characters all their lives. Most parents also attribute their children's fights and competitions to bad parenting, which should not be: sometimes, this rivalry is between siblings and not always based on how they were raised. Parents have no way to account for the intensity, savagery, and never-ending fighting between their children.

‘Instead of worrying about the boys becoming friends,’ I explained, ‘I began to think about how to equip them with the attitudes and skills they'd need for all their caring relationships.’ ~ Adele Faber, Elaine Mazlish

This summary will help parents understand that sibling rivalry is bound to happen and teach them not to attribute their children's feuds to their parenting style. It will also help you know that siblings are natural competitors, and it is the parents' job to ensure they understand their value as individuals and to their family.

second key point

Let your kids express their negative feelings so you can help them channel them appropriately

Kids often feel enraged and threatened by the very presence of their other siblings. You can see them screaming at each other, and they all come running to you to complain. It would be wrong to yell back at them and not listen to how they feel in a bid to put an end to it. Ignoring kids’ rage makes them bury it and can lead to physical symptoms or emotional problems. If you truly want to solve the problem, you must welcome their emotions and treat them with respect. Kids tend to feel a sense of comfort when they have someone who will listen to their negative feelings.

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third key point

Constant comparison increases anxiety and stress levels

fourth key point

Parents shouldn't treat their children equally but uniquely to reduce favoritism

fifth key point

Casting children into roles can be hurtful even to those who have been cast in a positive role

sixth key point

Respectfully intervene when you see your kids fighting to avoid frustration and resentment between them

seventh key point

Conclusion

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What is Siblings Without Rivalry about?

This insightful book offers practical guidance for parents on fostering healthy sibling relationships. Written by renowned authors, it provides effective strategies to reduce rivalry and conflict between children, allowing parents to create a harmonious home environment. With relatable anecdotes and helpful advice, "Siblings Without Rivalry" empowers parents to nurture strong sibling bonds, promoting cooperation and understanding among their children.

Who should read Siblings Without Rivalry

Parents seeking practical strategies to foster harmonious sibling relationships.
Siblings looking to improve their communication and resolve conflicts.
Childcare professionals and educators interested in promoting positive sibling dynamics.

Topics in Siblings Without Rivalry

Sibling Relationships Parenting Relationships Child Psychology Family Dynamics Communication Conflict Resolution Self-Help Personal Development Psychology Child Development Emotional Intelligence Behavior Management

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