“Not Nice” by Dr. Aziz Gazipura is an eye-opening guide that shows you all of the previously unthought-of downsides to being “nice” and how it affects you as a person. It directs your gaze to the problem and shows you how to free yourself of it and become the best you that you can be. Dr. Aziz Gazipura takes you on a journey through his life, revealing all that he learned along the way and teaches you how to use his techniques to achieve results.
Dr. Aziz Gazipura is a renowned clinical psychologist who completed his doctoral training at Stanford and Palo Alto Universities and founded the Center For Social Confidence. He is also the author of three best-selling books: The Solution To Social Anxiety, The Art Of Extraordinary Confidence, and Not Nice: Stop People-Pleasing, Staying Silent, & Feeling Guilty...And Start Speaking Up, Saying No, Asking Boldly, And Unapologetically Being Yourself.
“And if comfort is a prerequisite for action, then you will never take action.” ~ Dr. Aziz Gazipur
We must never get so caught up in being nice to everyone that we lose our own identity
Listen the first key point
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When we hear the word “nice,” our minds immediately light up green. Nice is good; it is something we should aspire to be and train kids around us to be. However, is that true?
Let us consider a time when you had to be nice; what did it mean? Say you were going to the house of a colleague you don't like because you think they are egotistical and too much of a showoff. You step out of the car and see this colleague has an ice sculpture of themselves gracing the entrance of their home. Your face colors with distaste, but your spouse nudges you in the side, “Remember to be nice!” They scold you, causing you to correct your expression immediately.
Being nice often entails putting up a dishonest front, so you don't hurt people's feelings.
Can you explain what happens here? You walk up the stairs into the house, and you shake the egotistical colleague's hand with a smile and laugh drily at all their jokes, meanwhile inside, you're rolling your eyes and wishing you could go home. Is this what it means to be nice? You take what you don't like and force politeness to fit in properly with society.
When someone has vastly different views than you do or is directly insulting a particular culture, people, or profession, and you think they are horrible, you must look at your plate and grit your teeth instead of putting them in their place and leaving. Maybe even force a smile to remain “nice” and prove that you have 'manners' and fit in society.
Being well-mannered can be faked in all the guise of being nice, and it is an acceptable practice.
Are you beginning to see the downsides of being nice now? It has you watching yourself, second – guessing yourself, looking at the faces of others, and trying to remain acceptable. In the following chapters, we’ll learn how detrimental the desire to be nice to everyone can be and the helpful ways to put yourself first and treat yourself better.
One of the biggest traps of niceness is the pressure to stay nice. It's the idea that being a nice person is the same thing as being a good person. ~ Dr. Aziz Gazipura
second key point
Nothing terrible will happen to you outside the "being nice" model
You've probably never thought that “nice” could be a bad thing. Since childhood, it has been embedded in your brain that niceness equals goodness. “If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.” “Be nice.” “Santa wants to know if you're naughty or nice.” “Do you want to be on Santa's nice list?”
In this empowering self-help book, Dr. Aziz Gazipura guides readers on a transformative journey to break free from the shackles of people-pleasing and self-doubt. With practical strategies and insightful anecdotes, he encourages readers to embrace their true selves, speak up, set boundaries, and confidently assert their needs and desires. By shedding the burden of guilt and fear, readers can reclaim their authenticity and live a life of unapologetic self-expression.
Who should read Not Nice
Individuals struggling with people-pleasing tendencies and a fear of speaking up.
Those who want to break free from guilt and start asserting themselves confidently.
Anyone seeking to embrace their true selves and live authentically.
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Do you find yourself staring at your computer for long minutes, unaware of time slipping by? Do you enter a room and suddenly cannot remember why you stepped in the first place? Is it a herculean task for you to sit through ten pages of a book without reaching for your phone? If yes, your focus needs some work and fast.
Actually, yours is not a unique situation. Many adults like you have issues concentrating on a given task. However, in this fast-paced world of ours, you can’t afford to be not focused at all times. Thankfully, this article comes to your rescue! With the tips and tricks from Hyperfocus by Chris Bailey, you will get in the top percent of folks who have mastered the art of concentration.