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Summary of Modern Romance 

4.4 . 4269 reviews

Short summary

At one time or the other, we embark on the journey to find love. We meet new people, and get in and out of relationships with the hope of finding a person with whom we have a deep connection. Despite the many romantic options in this digital age, people are still frustrated, and many people spend their entire lives finding a soulmate. “Modern Romance” is a thoughtful exploration of the problems and pleasures of romance in the modern world. It is authored by Aziz Ansari and Eric Klinenberg. Aziz Ansari is a writer, stand-up comedian, and actor. He won a 2016 Emmy Award for Outstanding Writing for a Comedy Series. Eric Klinenberg is an author and a professor of sociology at New York University. In this summary, they share insights into the modern romantic world and what people go through in their search for love. Keep reading this summary to find out how finding love and dating have been changed by the advent of the Internet and smartphones. “The world is available to us, but that may be the problem.” ~ Aziz Ansari

Table of content

  • Summary of Modern Romance
  • About the author
  • What is Modern Romance about?
  • Who should read Modern Romance
  • Topics in Modern Romance
first key point

The effects of emerging adulthood on marriage

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Most of the frustrations experienced by singles today seem to be unique to our time and technological setting. The experience is quite different from what people had several decades ago. Our ideas about searching and finding the right person have become different, so is our courtship expectations.

To figure out how things have changed over time, Aziz Ansari thought it would help to start by learning the experiences of older folks. He interviewed 36 people, and 14 of them had ended up marrying someone that lived within walking distance of their childhood home.

In 1932, a sociologist looked through 5,000 consecutive marriage licenses on file for people who lived in Philadelphia. It was discovered that one-third of the couples had lived within a five-block radius of each other before they got married.

These days, it’s hard to marry someone you grew up with because most people marry much later than the previous generations.

For those who got married in the 1950s, it was their first step into adulthood, but today, it’s one of the later stages. Most young people nowadays spend their 20s or 30s doing other things: getting educated, finding jobs, trying relationships and becoming a more developed person. Sociologists call this stage of life emerging adulthood.
Emerging adulthood offers young people an exciting, fun period of independence from their parents when they get to enjoy the pleasures of adulthood before becoming husbands and wives and starting a family.
The older people that were interviewed didn’t have the emerging adulthood stage, and many seemed to regret it, especially women who didn’t have the chance to pursue an education or career. They were also under the strict supervision of their parents until they got married. So, marriage gave them the basic freedom of adulthood. Some of them married to get out of the house and later divorced their husbands when divorce became a popular thing just because they missed out on the experience of being a young, unencumbered single woman — they wanted emerging adulthood.
second key point

From companionate to soulmate marriage

There’s a shift in when we look for love and marriage and what we look for in a marriage partner. Some decades ago, most people were satisfied with a “companionate marriage” where each partner had clearly defined roles. Most of the satisfaction you gained in the marriage depended on how well you fulfilled your roles. You married each other because you could build a family together, not because you were madly in love. Courtship and marriage in those days weren’t much about finding love and fulfillment; it was basically about creating bonds between families and achieving financial or social security. Of course, people did get married because they loved each other, but their expectations about what love would bring are quite different from today. Couples developed intense feelings for each other as they spent time growing up and building families together. But a lot changed in the 1960s and 1970s. As more women got educated, got good jobs, and achieved economic independence, they had more control over their lives. They rejected companionate marriage in search of something greater — a soulmate.
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third key point

The rise of the text message

fourth key point

The science and power of waiting

fifth key point

The strategy of online dating

sixth key point

The paradox of choice in relationships

seventh key point

Sexting, cheating, snooping, and breaking up

eighth key point

The distinct kinds of love — passionate and companionate

ninth key point

Conclusion

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What is Modern Romance about?

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