I Hate You — Don’t Leave Me Summary

Summary of I Hate You — Don’t Leave Me Book by Jerold J. Kreisman, MD, and Hal Straus

Name: I Hate You — Don’t Leave Me
Rating: 4.6 (5791 reviews)
Author: Jerold J. Kreisman, MD, and Hal Straus

4.6 . 5791 reviews

Short summary

I Hate You, Don’t Leave Me is an engaging introduction to Borderline Personality Disorder, which explains how borderlines feel, who they are, how they behave, and how best to respond to them. A borderline personality disorder is an illness that terrifies many professionals and confuses the general public. Dr. Jerold Kriesman is a psychiatrist and an author, and Hal Straus is a professional health and medical writer. They explain how people with borderline personality disorder (BPD) are impulsive, have wild mood swings, and troubled interpersonal relationships but get better over time with proper treatment. The lifetime prevalence rate of Borderline Personality Disorder receives less than 2% of the money allocated by the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) to the study of disorders. “Dr. Kreisman and Hal Straus have thoroughly revised their twenty-five years classic to include latest advances in therapies and medications while retaining the rich, easy-to-read style of the first edition.” ~ Randi Kreger.

14 min

9 key points

9 insights

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Table of content

Summary of I Hate You — Don’t Leave Me
About the author
What is I Hate You — Don’t Leave Me about?
Who should read I Hate You — Don’t Leave Me
Topics in I Hate You — Don’t Leave Me

first key point

Borderline Personality Disorder is difficult to diagnose for the doctor and impossible to explain to a patient

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It is to psychiatry what the virus is to general medicine. The term “borderline” was first coined in the 1930s, but the condition was not clearly defined until the 1970s. Psychiatrists have not been able to agree on the separate existence of the syndrome, much less on the specific symptoms necessary for diagnosis.

In 1980, the American Psychiatric Association's 3rd edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-III) — the diagnostic “bible” of the psychiatric profession — defined the diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder. It officially recognized the disorder as a significant health problem in America today, despite the discrepancies among psychiatrists over the exact nature, causes, and treatment. BPD patients consume a higher percentage of mental health services than those with other diagnoses. Also, about 90% of patients with the BPD diagnosis share at least one primary psychiatric diagnosis.

Borderline people are those who appear inconsistent in their everyday life.

A borderline person could be a friend who accuses you of stabbing them in the back over a minor fallout, tells you that you were never really her friend, and then calls back weeks later as if nothing happened. Inconsistency is the hallmark of borderlines and explains why the mental health profession has had such difficulty defining a uniform set of criteria for the illness. Borderlines are walking paradoxes. They have self-destructive tendencies or display suicidal gestures.

Up to 70% of BPD patients attempt suicide.

The most recent DSM-IV-TR lists nine categorical criteria for BPD, five of which must be present for the diagnosis:

• Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment
• Lack of clear sense of identity
• Unstable and intense interpersonal relationships
• Impulsiveness in potentially self-damaging behaviors, such as shoplifting, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, and so on
• Recurrent suicidal threats or gestures or self-mutilating behaviors
• Chronic feelings of emptiness
• Frequent and inappropriate displays of anger
• Feelings of paranoia for a short period due to stress

Treatment focuses on four primary areas depending on the combination of symptoms presented. Those areas are:

• Mood instability
• Impulsivity and dangerous uncontrolled behavior
• Interpersonal psychopathology
• Distortions of thought and perception

This summary identifies the symptoms and treatment procedures for BPD. Friends and families of a person suffering with BPD will also discover how to be a support system to them without causing more havoc.

For the borderline, much of life is a relentless emotional rollercoaster with no apparent destination. For those living with, loving or treating the borderline, the trip can seem just as wild, hopeless and frustrating. ~ Jerold Kreisman

second key point

Treating BPD patients requires you to identify the disorder

An individual personality is a combination of temperament (inherited personal characteristics) and character (developmental values emerging from environment and life experiences). Take a look at Carrie, a social worker in the psychiatric unit of a large hospital who was diagnosed with borderline syndrome after 22 years of therapy and medications. Her disorder made her cut off everyone, forcing her into extreme loneliness. At some point, she began to wonder if she was possessed by the devil.

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third key point

Several generations contribute to the development of the borderline syndrome

fourth key point

Development theories on the causes of BPD focus on early childhood

fifth key point

Families, friends, and therapists of the borderline can learn to communicate with them using the SET-UP system

sixth key point

Identifying a Borderline is vital to interacting with them successfully as friends or relations

seventh key point

Therapists often find that the rigors of treating BPD place a tremendous strain on their abilities and patience

eighth key point

Healing from Borderline syndrome requires conscious retraction from unhealthy situations and the will to build healthier foundations

ninth key point

Conclusion

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What is I Hate You — Don’t Leave Me about?

This insightful book delves into the complex world of borderline personality disorder (BPD), offering a comprehensive understanding of its symptoms, causes, and treatment options. Written by Jerold J. Kreisman, MD, and Hal Straus, it explores the emotional rollercoaster experienced by individuals with BPD, providing practical advice for both sufferers and their loved ones. With compassion and expertise, the authors shed light on this often misunderstood disorder, offering hope and guidance for those affected by it.

Who should read I Hate You — Don’t Leave Me

Mental health professionals seeking to deepen their understanding of borderline personality disorder.
Individuals diagnosed with borderline personality disorder seeking insight and guidance.
Friends and family members of individuals with borderline personality disorder.

Topics in I Hate You — Don’t Leave Me

Mental Health Psychology Relationships Self-Help Personality Disorders Therapy Emotional Intelligence Trauma Self-Awareness Healing Self-Care Self-Esteem Mental Toughness Psychiatry

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