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Summary of How To Not Die Alone 

Short summary

In How To Not Die Alone, Logan Ury provides practical advice for finding, building, and keeping the relationship of your dreams. She shares essential steps to debunk modern romance myths and find a relationship that's genuinely worth investing in. Logan also offers tips for anyone progressing through the different phases of a relationship.

Logan Ury, a Harvard-educated behavioral scientist turned dating coach, is an internationally recognized expert on modern love. As the Director of Relationship Science at the dating app Hinge, Logan leads a research team dedicated to helping people find love. After studying psychology at Harvard, she ran Google's behavioral science team — The Irrational Lab — and created the popular interview series, Talks at Google: Modern Romance. She is also a 2018 TED Resident, has developed a TED talk, and collaborated with others on her ideas.

“No relationship is easy all the time, even the healthiest and the most rewarding marriages require effort.” ~ Logan Ury

Table of content

  • Summary of How To Not Die Alone
  • About the author
  • What is How To Not Die Alone about?
  • Who should read How To Not Die Alone
  • Topics in How To Not Die Alone
first key point

A relationship is not about who each of you is separately; it's about what happens when you come together

Listen the first key point
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Although love may be a natural instinct, dating isn't; no human was born knowing how to choose the right partner. Intentional love is Logan's philosophy for creating healthy relationships. It helps you see your life as a series of choices rather than accidents. A lasting relationship is the culmination of a series of decisions, including when to get out there, whom to date, how to end it with the wrong person, when to settle down with the right one, and everything in between. Make good decisions, and you propel yourself toward a great love story. Make bad ones, and you veer off course, doomed to repeat the same harmful patterns over and over.
Finding someone can be hard, but the harder part is the daily work you put in to grow and sustain a great relationship. ~ Logan Ury
This summary will help you stay informed and purposeful in acknowledging your bad habits, adjusting your dating techniques, and approaching crucial relationship conversations. It also offers you solutions to some of life's most challenging dating decisions.
Date someone who complements you, not your personality twin.
second key point

Take control of your love life by understanding yourself better

Dating is more challenging now than ever before; this is because we define our own identities, unlike our ancestors, whose lives were defined by their communities. We also have thousands of options at our fingertips, which cause us to question our decisions. All this just makes us uncomfortable when making big decisions if we can't research our way to the right answer.
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third key point

Having the right mindset can help you enjoy your relationship even more

fourth key point

The path to understanding relationships and choosing a partner for the long haul

fifth key point

Take a break from dating apps and embrace meeting people IRL — in real life

sixth key point

Treating your date like a job interview drains all the fun out of dating

seventh key point

Two or three dates are all it takes to know if someone could be a great long-term partner

eighth key point

On breakups: don't break down, break open — you'll wind up even stronger and more beautiful

ninth key point

Check-in rituals and relationship contracts help to build lasting relationships

tenth key point

Conclusion

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What is How To Not Die Alone about?

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Do you find yourself staring at your computer for long minutes, unaware of time slipping by? Do you enter a room and suddenly cannot remember why you stepped in the first place? Is it a herculean task for you to sit through ten pages of a book without reaching for your phone? If yes, your focus needs some work and fast.

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