Initially published in 1936, Dale Carnegie's 'How to Win Friends & Influence People' is a timeless and iconic self-help book. This bestseller has changed the lives of millions in America and beyond. Carnegie's wisdom will enlighten if you crave the secrets to friendship and business influence. But is it still applicable today? Keep reading our book review to learn why we think it certainly is!
Ultimately, you can better anticipate their reactions and build stronger interpersonal relationships by understanding how someone thinks, what motivates them, and their point of view. Effective communication can be a tricky subject to master. However, you can significantly improve your skills by paying attention to the finer details of how people interact.
Due to strong demand, 'How to Win Friends and Influence People' has been updated for the digital age and published by Simon & Schuster. Be ready for your way of thinking to be revolutionized and to discover new perspectives in your day-to-day life. Your personal success awaits!
From 1936 to the modern day
You might wonder why a book written more than 80 years ago holds any relevance today. Surely, our lives have moved on; we must be far more digitally minded than in those days, right? Well, yes, but despite technological advancements, it seems the human mind is still stuck in the '30s in many ways!
Born in Missouri in 1888, American author Dale Carnegie spoke sense and told the truth—"dealing with people is probably the biggest problem you face." From his service in the army during World War I to his daily interactions, including his fascination with Abraham Lincoln, he understood the human psyche.
Carnegie’s advice remains true even today! Understanding the art of communication in a way that goes far beyond self-expression will enable you to create opportunities for huge success throughout your personal life and career.
"Learning to deal with people in the right way will open up your future potential in life, business, and relationships."
These days, the stakes are probably higher than they have ever been before. Even the slightest mistake can start arousing resentment. So, make it your aim to learn to communicate effectively, connect with people at their most profound inner core, and use all of this in line with digital methods.
Digital methods make it very easy to make a mistake, which is transmitted virally across the globe within seconds. Businesses, relationships, friendships, and connections can all be broken with just the touch of a "send" button. Recall this scenario while listening to Carnegie's principles; you'll see how 1936 remains relevant.
However, if you are in the midst of a face-to-face interaction, it’s worth remembering Carnegie’s six ways to make people like you:
Become genuinely interested in other people.
Smile.
Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
Be a good listener and encourage others to talk about themselves.
Talk in terms of the other person's interests.
Make the other person feel important – and do it sincerely.
"Save someone's face once and your influence with him rises. Save his face every time you can, and there is practically nothing he won't do for you."
Understanding digital literacy
One of the main standout points of the reworked version of Dale Carnegie’s best-seller is the importance of understanding digital tools and platforms. How many times per day do you reach for your phone or tablet to look at your social media accounts? These platforms aren't only for fun; we also use them for business reasons. It’s entirely possible to be nice in digital terms without appearing contrived. Ultimately, it’s about focusing on nobler motives, even when writing rather than speaking.
Understanding and effectively using these tools involves recognizing the best practices for communication in digital spaces—like maintaining politeness, clarity, and appropriateness in emails, social media interactions, and other online communications. Yet, the basics still work, such as remembering people’s names; the fundamental techniques in handling people haven’t changed all that much.
You'll typically maintain politeness when someone is in front of you and not say anything offensive, right? You stay quiet when they say something you don’t totally agree with to maintain peace. You’ll say "sorry" when you need to. In many ways, the same goes for the digital space. Being a good listener isn’t only for face-to-face communication but also for spending the right amount of time understanding what a person is saying to you digitally. Communicating online is no less important than speaking in person.
The art of preventing misunderstandings
How many times have you misunderstood a text message? You know it can be hell to deal with afterward. Has anyone ever misread a message that you sent, causing a rift between you? This case is the biggest problem with digital communication because it lacks the nuances of in-person chats. You can’t display your facial expressions, tone, or body language over text. However, you can use other options, such as emojis and knowing how to express emotion through written words. Remembering these points will help you avoid dramatization and stick to what you really want to convey.
"Foundational principles—don’t criticize, condemn, or complain; talk about others’ interests; if you’re wrong, admit it; let others save face. Such principles don’t make you a clever conversationalist or a resourceful raconteur. They remind you to consider others’ needs before you speak."
We all love those cute emojis, but it’s best not to overdo them. There is nothing worse than trying to read through a text or email that's littered with faces exhibiting various comical expressions! However, a carefully placed emoji here and there can soften the tone, especially if you’re trying to convey information casually or show a little flattery. It can also enforce a feeling of importance and ensure the first instinctive impression is positive.
So, how else can you convey emotion when you’re not there in person to show it?
Use punctuation to convey tone: Here is a golden rule. The way you use punctuation can dramatically change the tone of your message. For example, ending a sentence with an exclamation mark can convey excitement ("Great job on the presentation!"), whereas using a period might make the statement seem more neutral or formal.
Choose your words carefully: Consider who you’re speaking to and whether you can be more casual and use slang or whether it needs to be more professional. Opt for words that reflect your emotional state, like "delighted," "disappointed," and "thrilled," to remove any confusion. Descriptive language and adjectives enhance the clarity of your emotional intent.
Utilize formatting tools: Bold print, italics, and underlining can highlight feelings or stress particular points. Italicizing a word, for example, can indicate a tone of softness or emphasis depending on the context, helping to shape how the message is received. You can boldface or emphasize a word with bold print when you want it to stand out to ensure the reader sees and understands it clearly.
Clarity and brevity: Be clear and concise in your communication. Long, winding text blocks can lead to misinterpretation. Clearly structured messages with a friendly tone generally convey your intent more effectively. Keep it short and to the point, and, of course, end it with your own name to show personalization.
Contextual check-ins: When discussing sensitive topics, use check-ins like "I hope this message finds you well" or "Let me know your thoughts on this" to add a personal touch and ensure clarity about the emotional undertones of your message.
Follow-up: If you sense that your message may not have been received as intended or might have made the other person feel something different, it’s okay to follow up with a clarifying statement or a quick call. This helps to clear up any potential misunderstandings promptly and stops the other person’s viewpoint from ending up somewhere completely different from where you intended.
Maintaining transparency and integrity
Open communication means always being true to yourself and your message and ensuring honesty with the person you’re speaking to. The same applies when talking to them directly or digitally. It ensures self-esteem isn’t affected on either side and boosts trust.
Maintaining transparency and authenticity in digital communication is essential for building trust and fostering meaningful connections. Here are a few strategies to help you achieve this focus:
Be clear and consistent: Communication should be direct. Avoid confusing or unclear language, and make sure your messages are consistent across various digital platforms.
Admit mistakes: Acknowledging your error openly rather than trying to hide it shows accountability and helps build credibility with your audience.
Provide context: We know that digital communication often misses the nuance of face-to-face interaction. Providing context helps prevent misunderstandings and clarifies your intent, making your communications more genuine.
Use a personal tone: Even in a professional setting, humanizing your message can make digital communication feel more authentic. Remember, written communication isn’t about showmanship; it’s about honesty. Address people by name and tailor messages to create a more personalized interaction.
Be responsive: Active engagement shows you value the receiver's time and input. Respond promptly to emails, messages, and comments, and encourage feedback to demonstrate openness.
"There is no such thing as a neutral exchange. You leave someone either a little better or a little worse."
Listening and encouraging sharing
Active in-person listening is a lot easier than digital communication. The main standout here is that you can’t show the other person you’re listening to them as they speak because they’re not there. It’s in the other person’s interests and your own to let them know that you’ve taken their message seriously. So, how can you do that?
Actively participating in the person's social media post or message is the best and easiest route. You can 'like' the post or react with an emoji. If it’s an email or text, you can reply quickly with emojis, if appropriate, or a quick one-line response to show that you’re engaged in what they have to say.
Open-ended questions are another great way to show that you’re listening, as they encourage the other person to share more. Avoid questions that require only a 'yes' or 'no.' Instead, ask questions that need more detail, such as "How are you finding your new job?" As you can see, this question encourages more interaction than "do you like your new job?"
Providing value and appreciation
One of the core principles of influencing others through digital or face-to-face communication is adding value to their lives, whether through informative content, insightful comments, or helpful suggestions. Showing appreciation can be as simple as acknowledging someone's efforts publicly through comments or likes or sending thank-you emails or messages for their contributions or assistance.
Be genuinely interested in others: Show your interest by asking about their projects, ideas, and lives. When interacting on social media or via email, take the time to respond to comments or messages in a personalized way.
Appreciate sincerely: Just as in face-to-face interactions, appreciation in the digital world needs to be sincere. Be specific about what you appreciate about someone’s post, idea, or contribution and why it matters.
Listen more than you speak: It’s easy to dominate the dialogue in digital conversations, especially via text-heavy mediums like email or messaging apps. Make a concerted effort to listen, or read, closely to what others are saying before responding. Show that you’ve paid attention by referencing specific points they’ve made.
Avoid arguments online: Carnegie’s old advice still applies—arguing online rarely changes minds; it's more likely to entrench opposing views. Be diplomatic, agree to disagree, or steer conversations privately if sensitive topics arise.
Respect others’ opinions: Show respect for others’ viewpoints. Online, this might mean diplomatically stating your disagreement or simply acknowledging that you’ve heard the other side.
Personalize your interactions: Tailor your communication. Mention people by name, reference past interactions, and connect over shared experiences or interests.
Encourage others to talk about themselves: People love to share their stories or accomplishments. Invite and embrace this opportunity; ask thoughtful questions about something they've posted online, like a new project or even their child's first-grade art award.
Congratulate achievements: Public acknowledgments of someone’s achievements on social platforms can be very uplifting. A congratulatory message can go a long way in showing genuine appreciation.
"When we attempt to use criticism to win an argument, to make a point, or to incite change, we are taking two steps backward."
Does 'How to Win Friends and Influence People' translate to the modern age?
The original version of Carnegie’s best-selling book went viral even before people knew what it meant. Upgraded for the digital age, does it miss the mark, or does it tick all the boxes? Is it worth reading?
It’s interesting to note how easily Carnegie’s words still suit the modern age. Even all those years ago, it’s clear that he knew more than the basics of communication. And though our times have changed, for good or bad, his advice still resonates. Of course, we added some tweaks to help his words fit in with the digital way we communicate, but the upgraded version still links very closely to the original.
Is there a lot to learn in this book? Certainly! Whether you’re communicating with salespeople and entrepreneurs in New York, attempting public speaking, or simply messaging friends and family, his advice is still very relevant. It’s interesting to understand how digital communication differs from in-person chats. It’s not so easy to show sincere appreciation through the written word compared to standing in front of the other person, but with careful moves and re-reading a message before hitting 'send,' it works.
This book is a fantastic addition to the self-improvement niche and a must for any budding conversationalist.
Start winning friends and influencing people with Headway summaries
Dale Carnegie shows that even in 1936, the fundamentals of social skills and communication were at work. A lot has changed in our world, but we can still look to the past for help and advice that’s still relevant in our current chaotic times.
You can read a summary of 'How to Win Friends and Influence People in the Digital Age' on the Headway app. You can also read or listen to a range of communication books, each in just 15 minutes, and discover valuable insights to take your communication game to the next level. Whether searching for new areas of agreement or avoiding misunderstandings, Headway can help you start the Dale Carnegie course to communication excellence today!
