Have you ever wanted to know what someone is really thinking? How people move and express themselves without words, known as body language, can provide clues about their feelings and sometimes most intimate intentions. By paying attention to facial expressions, hand movements, and posture, you can learn quite a bit about what's happening beneath the surface of any interaction.
In this article, we'll break down the fundamentals of body language and show you how to notice meaningful cues like micro-expressions and eye contact. Drawing from insights by renowned experts like Leil Lowndes, Joe Navarro, Marvin Karlins, and Vanessa Van Edwards, you'll learn how to read what other people's bodies tell you. No matter how experienced you are in various social settings, getting better at reading body language can help you forge stronger connections and achieve better outcomes in all your interactions.
The language of our bodies: What the experts say
Body language often reveals more than any words ever could. What's said out loud isn't always the whole truth. Sometimes, we might seemingly agree with someone, but our non-verbal actions, like gestures and facial expressions, send a different message.
In 'How to Talk to Anyone,' Leil Lowndes discusses the value of managing and reading body language and eye expressions to understand ourselves and others better:
"The moment someone looks at you, he or she experiences a massive hit, the impact of which lays the groundwork for the entire relationship. Just give 'em great posture, a heads-up look, a confident smile, and a direct gaze."
Eyes frequently go overlooked for their incredible power and significance. When we lock eyes with someone, a profound sense of engagement and vulnerability emerges — a captivating yet mostly uncomfortable experience. That intensity can spark feelings of intimacy and honesty or even lead to confrontation, which is why many of us instinctively glance away. Holding eye contact takes courage; it's an intimate dance of connection that can reveal far more than we might be ready to show.
"Your eyes are personal grenades that have the power to detonate people's emotions."
Typically, body language and facial expressions impact people more than spoken words. In 'What Every BODY is Saying,' Joe Navarro and Marvin Karlins note that our body language reveals our true feelings about the people we're with and shows how we feel about what they say.
"Often when people say something they shouldn't have, people nearby will touch or scratch their closed eyelid — this is a good indicator that something improper was uttered."
In 'Cues,' Vanessa Van Edwards discusses the idea of micro-expressions — those tiny, quick changes in someone's face that can reveal hidden emotions beyond their words:
"Micro-expressions are tiny, fleeting facial movements that reveal our true emotions, even when we try to hide them."
As we understand more about how people communicate, it becomes clear just how important body language is in all social situations.
Types of body language and nonverbal communication cues
While verbal communication follows a clear set of rules, nonverbal communication dances to a different rhythm. It relies on unwritten conventions and subtle cues, lacking the formal grammar or syntax we find in spoken language. We pick up on these nonverbal signals through the rich process of socialization, learning to interpret gestures, facial expressions, and body language in the context of our interactions. This informal yet instinctive understanding shapes how we connect with others, making every silent message as powerful as our chosen words.
Seven types of body language:
Face: Our faces can show a wide range of feelings, such as happiness, shock, anger, and sorrow. Learning to read these expressions helps us understand what others think and feel.
Eyes: Eye contact is a solid nonverbal method for showing interest, attention, and sincerity. It helps build trust and creates meaningful connections between people.
Posture: How we carry ourselves can reveal a lot about our confidence and engagement. Standing tall with squared shoulders makes a lasting first impression.
Gestures: Hand and arm gestures emphasize what we say and help express particular ideas. For instance, a firm handshake can show confidence and genuine interest in the interaction.
Proxemics or personal space: The space we keep between ourselves and others can affect our interactions. Being close to someone might suggest intimacy or assertiveness while maintaining a distance can imply formality or a lack of connection.
Touch: These physical aspects involve everything from professional gestures like handshakes to more personal forms of touch. Understanding these acts can help us interpret a person's true feelings and intentions, even when their words suggest otherwise.
Paralinguistics or voice qualities: The way we speak includes not just the words we choose but also the tone, pitch, magnitude, and speaking speed. These qualities can change how others receive and understand what we say.
Practical ways to understand and read body language
Understanding body language is vital to excelling in social settings and networking. In 'Cues,' Van Edwards highlights the importance of closely observing how people express themselves to understand their thoughts and feelings. For example, when someone's truly engaged, they'll often exhibit positive body language by maintaining eye contact and keeping their posture open and inviting.
When it comes to figuring out if someone is dishonest, watch for mismatches between words and actions. In 'What Every BODY Is Saying,' Navarro and Karlins explain that people who are nervous or manipulate truth often avoid eye contact, fidget too much, or touch their faces a lot. These behaviors can signal discomfort or anxiety about telling the truth. Those quick, involuntary facial expressions can also reveal genuine emotions someone's trying to hide.
"Words may lie, but body cannot. It's like a reflex that you cannot control".
To avoid misunderstandings, make sure your body language matches your words. As Van Edwards notes, when your words and body language send different messages, it can confuse your audience. To better decode "mixed signals," focus on listening to others and observing how they stand or sit, use their hands, and show expressions on their faces. Try practicing in front of a mirror or recording yourself to see how you come across and find ways to improve.
Basics of body language: Start reading others by recognizing these simple cues
After recording yourself practicing body language alone, try filming a conversation with a close friend or family member. When reviewing the footage, take some time to analyze what you observed. Look for clear body language cues that could help improve your communication skills.
At first, pay attention to their legs and feet:
"Foot cleaning" (a playful stroking of the thighs) can be an instinctive response to stress or negativity.
"Happy feet" captures the essence of excitement with lively foot and leg movements that reflect joy.
"The position of feet" — whether pointed toward someone or away — can reveal underlying feelings of interest or a desire to escape.
Using the palms to "grasp the knees" is a subtle yet clear signal that someone might be ready to wrap up a conversation.
"Pointed-up toes" often depict a positive mood or engagement, radiating enthusiasm and openness.
When feet shift into a "starting position," it's a telltale sign that someone is itching to leave.
"Widely spread legs" might communicate negative emotions, intimidation, or a sense of submission in a given situation.
"Crossed legs" usually imply comfort and trust (mainly when the other person's leg on top is directed at you), and their positioning mirrors the emotional landscape of the discussion.
When someone "grabs the chair legs," it can be a sign of discomfort or anxiety, showcasing a person's inner turmoil.
As you see, foot language can be a fascinating window into the thoughts and feelings of others.
Next, consider these torso insights:
Did you know that "a gentle touch" above the sternum can be incredibly soothing for women experiencing feelings of danger or anxiety? It's akin to the comfort provided by cherished neck ornaments.
Have you ever noticed someone "airing out" by "pulling their collar" or "shaking their hair free"? This gesture signals a desire for space or clarity.
"Self-embrace" is another powerful gesture — crossing the arms over the chest can provide protection and comfort.
When someone "turns their back (ventral detachment)," it often signals a negative attitude. Interestingly, mirroring another person's body language can convey a sense of connection, while sudden shifts in posture might reveal underlying discomfort.
"Leaning back," especially in a relaxed setting, can assert a claim to the space, but be careful — this can look disrespectful in formal scenarios.
If someone "sticks out their chest" or "removes an article of clothing," they're likely signaling readiness for a confrontation.
Think about the last time you "shrugged your shoulders." This gesture often conveys uncertainty. In particular, a raised shoulder can hint at insincerity, while hunching your shoulders might suggest vulnerability. Finally, when someone bends at the waist, it reflects respect and modesty — a timeless gesture of humility.
Understanding these torso subtleties can enrich your interactions and help you to be in tune with the person you're talking to.
Third, proceed to read the language of hands:
"Crossed arms and clenched fists:" Crossed arms or clenched fists are clear signs of discomfort or defensiveness. They are a subconscious way our bodies communicate that we're not feeling at ease.
"Isolated hand movements:" Ever notice someone with their hands clasped behind their back? This gesture typically signals a desire for distance. It's their way of establishing a personal boundary without saying a word.
"Hands locked behind the head:" This pose often exudes comfort and confidence, especially among seniors. It's a power stance that suggests they're at ease and in control.
"Spreading fingers on the table:" This open-hand position radiates confidence and authority. Similarly, a relaxed hand resting on a chair implies a sense of comfort and security. Conversely, hidden hands or those that remain still can hint at feelings of uncertainty.
"Hands forming a 'house' shape:" When someone puts their hands together to form a "house," it expresses confidence and assurance. In turn, interlaced fingers might reveal underlying stress or anxiety.
"Fidgeting with fingers:" Clenching, rubbing, or interlacing fingers in reaction to significant triggers often points to stress or a dip in confidence levels. It's a physical manifestation of how we're feeling inside.
"Protective hand gestures:" When hands are pressed against the body, it usually indicates a protective response. Coupled with restrained movements, this can signal feelings of fear or apprehension.
"Waving arms:" Of course, nothing says excitement like an arm wave! This animated gesture conveys enthusiasm and a joyous spirit.
Understanding these details in hand movements can enhance your ability to connect with others on a higher quality level. So next time you're chatting with someone, pay attention to the hands — they might just share the story behind the words!
Finally, analyze what the head and face of your interlocutor tell you:
Ever notice someone "rubbing their forehead?" It often reveals they're feeling some struggle or discomfort — an instinctive way to cope with stress.
When a person "strokes their neck," it can be a subtle sign of emotional unease or insecurity, signaling they might need reassurance.
"Touching the face" is a common reflex for alleviating nervousness and anxiety — like a comforting hug for the heart in moments of tension.
You might catch someone "puffing out their cheeks" while exhaling; this fun little act helps shake off stress, especially after a hectic event.
Notice someone "adjusting their tie?" That could point to underlying insecurity, a little reminder that they might not feel at ease.
We all have our quirky stress responses — "whistling, tapping our feet, or yawning uncontrollably" can be our bodies' way of relieving tension.
Distress often manifests through "squinting, frowning, and shifting facial expressions," as if our faces are trying to communicate our inner turmoil.
On a brighter note, "tilting the head" can signify comfort and openness — an inviting posture that encourages connection.
Pay attention to their eyes: "squinting or frowning" might hint at anxiety, while raised eyebrows often project confidence, and lowered eyebrows can suggest uncertainty.
If someone "blocks their eyes" with their hands, it's a clear signal of disapproval toward what they've just seen or heard. And when the eyes shut for too long, it often indicates negative emotions brewing underneath.
"Wide-open eyes" can indicate surprise, while increased blinking usually means stress is on the rise. Sideways glances are classic cues of suspicion.
"A genuine smile" involves the eyes, lighting up the face with authenticity, while a fake smile often falls flat without real emotion behind it. Compressed lips? That's a telltale sign of stress lurking beneath the surface.
A smile can also carry contempt, and "licking lips" often act as a calming movement — another way our bodies seek comfort.
"A furrowed forehead" usually indicates discomfort, while flaring nostrils can signal intent or readiness for action — little clues that reveal so much about what we're feeling inside.
Understanding these subtle signs can open a window into the daily emotions of people around you.
Simple tips to exude or read positive body language
Our feelings of pleasure or discomfort and how we mentally process these emotions drive our instinctive reactions to approach or retreat in intense social situations. Subtle signs of positivity and openness play a crucial role in the dynamics of our interactions.
When it comes to body language that radiates positivity, it often manifests in the following ways:
Stand tall with an open chest; keep arms and legs uncrossed
Maintain eye contact while speaking
Smile naturally to show warmth and friendliness
Nod or lean in slightly to show you're listening
Use open hand gestures, palms up, to convey honesty and welcome
Lean in to indicate interest
Mirror the other person's body language to show you relate to them
Minimize fidgeting to keep the focus on the conversation
These body language signals help create a warm and engaging atmosphere wherever you go.
Simple tips hinting at negative body language
Body language reveals much about a person's feelings and can indicate discomfort. Common signs of negative body language include:
Avoiding eye contact, which can suggest dishonesty or unease.
Crossing arms, indicating defensiveness or anxiety.
Showing boredom or nervousness through excessive movement.
Uncontrolled hand movements, which might appear desperate or unconvincing.
A weak or overly firm handshake, hinting at insecurity or aggression.
Slouching or closed posture, signaling disinterest.
Fidgeting with objects, indicating discomfort.
Sweating, which is a sign of nervousness.
Recognizing these signs can help you read a conversation or interaction's tone better.
Reading body language in personal vs professional settings
In private and corporate settings, each wave, nod, or hand signal tells a story, reflecting the unique customs and traditions that shape our interactions. A simple smile, friendly eye contact, and welcoming gestures naturally express warmth and affection. Conversely, crossed arms, evasive glances, or a forced smile can signal disinterest.
However, remember that body language also varies across cultures. For instance, while Americans often view direct eye contact as friendly, people in Japanese culture might see it as disrespectful.
One unique cultural feature inherent to India is the unique half-shake, half-nod that a person might make during a conversation. If you're traveling there for business, brace yourself for this captivating gesture! Unlike in many cultures where such a movement might signal disagreement or uncertainty, it carries a much more positive vibe in India. It's a beautiful expression of interest and a respectful attitude toward the person speaking. After just a few days, you'll find yourself surrounded by people expertly employing this gesture. Eventually, you will appreciate its full significance, particularly during negotiations with your Indian partners or colleagues.
In 'What Everybody is Saying,' Joe Navarro provides valuable insights into navigating cultural differences in communication, given that culture dictates the meaning behind every subtle gesture. Small but profound aspects of communication can enrich your interactions and deepen your understanding of any culture. Recognizing these nuances can help you network more effectively with specialists from different backgrounds. By being mindful of our own body language and attuned to the feelings of those around us at work or home, we can cultivate stronger bonds — enhancing not just our relationships but also our emotional intelligence and mental health.
A silent salesperson: Body language as your career boost
In our workplaces, the way we carry ourselves can significantly shape our relationships with colleagues, clients, and managers. Lowndes emphasizes in 'How to Talk to Anyone' that positive body language — particularly a "flooding smile" — can build meaningful connections and project trustworthiness that enhances our professional presence. A flooding smile waits a moment before fully blooming so that the person would know that it's genuine and meant specifically for them instead of being a mask you show to everyone you meet:
"Don't flash an immediate smile when you greet someone, as though anyone who walked into your line of sight would be the beneficiary. Instead, look at the other person's face for a second."
During job interviews, maintain eye contact, sit up straight, and keep an open posture. It's not just about confidence; you're also sending a strong signal that you're invested in the dialogue. Small gestures, like nodding as someone speaks, can convey that you genuinely care about their thoughts and opinions and want to contribute as a team member.
Language of intimacy: Our body and personal relationships
Beyond the professional sphere, body language also plays a foundational role in our relationships. In 'Cues,' Van Edwards highlights the importance of reading the way your loved one smiles to understand their true feelings:
"It's tough to pretend to smile with small, fan-shaped wrinkles in the corners of the eyes and the upper cheek muscles that show when someone is genuinely happy. If you want to recognize true happiness, pay attention to what's happening below the eyes."
By tuning in to these nonverbal signals, we forge deeper connections with family, friends, and romantic partners.
The nonverbal cues of romance: Body language and feelings
The power of body language is also quite strong in romance — sometimes even more than a verbal confession. When two people feel that spark of attraction, their bodies naturally mirror the other's movements and create an unspoken connection. In 'How to Talk to Anyone,' Lowndes highlights these subtle signals, showing how our bodies naturally reflect our true feelings. So the next time you're in a flirtatious situation, watch for these little gestures; they might just let you know you're in love!
Key signs of attraction include:
When someone is attracted to you, they often look into your eyes for a longer time, creating a feeling of closeness.
When people lean in while talking, they genuinely want to know what you are sharing with them so they can connect with you.
When someone gently nudges you, playfully taps your arm, or lightly touches your shoulder, there's a good chance they're attracted to you.
These subtle behaviors can "decipher" how someone really feels and often help build a deeper connection. This strategy might serve you well if you opt for online dating in place of meeting someone you already know face-to-face: in both cases, an inviting posture and sincere smile will "tell" others that you're approachable.
Interpreting body language in the digital era
The digital age has changed how we communicate, and it's also affected how we read nonverbal cues, such as when someone is losing interest. In Zoom conferences or Google Meets, active listening is essential: this time, you don't have the supportive benefit of reading the person's body to determine the genuineness and emotional context of what they're talking about.
Simple actions like maintaining eye contact, nodding, and using encouraging phrases like "I see," "Exactly," or "Go on" can show that you're engaged.
While video calls offer convenience, they do have limitations. Unlike face-to-face meetings, we might miss subtle nonverbal cues like how someone's sitting or their personal space. Plus, technical hiccups can make it harder to catch quick eye movements or facial expressions. Stay patient and focus on clear, friendly communication to maximize virtual interactions.
Grow your body reading expertise with the Headway App
If you're looking to sharpen your communication skills, check out summaries from the experts in the Headway app, like 'Active Listening Techniques' by Nixali Leonardo, to see if a book is right for you! You'll find friendly tips and concise reviews from experts like Vanessa Van Edwards and Joe Navarro based on the content in both written and audio texts, helping you decode the human body's unspoken messages.
Check out our blog article 'How to Become the Most Interesting Person in the Room' to learn how knowing body language enriches your charisma. Let's set out on a journey to become the new Dr. Cal Lightman (shoutout to 'Lie to Me' fans) in our social circles!
