Learning how to control your emotions means recognizing what you're feeling, understanding why emotions arise, and using practical techniques to respond calmly. This guide will show you science-backed methods to control your emotions and develop emotional resilience every day.
Imagine you're in the middle of a conversation, and suddenly, your voice disappears. Or maybe you find yourself snapping over something small and regretting it seconds later.
Emotional responses can escalate quickly, especially if you're carrying stress, unresolved experiences, or simply running on empty. And when they do, they can impact how you think, act, and relate to others. They both affect and reflect your overall mental health.
Learning to manage your emotions isn't about suppressing them. It's about recognizing what's happening inside you, understanding your feelings, and using tools for present, conscious responses instead of trauma or stress reactions.
Emotional intelligence means recognizing your emotions and managing them well so you have space to understand others' feelings. It's one of the most critical skills for personal well-being and success at work. People with high emotional intelligence tend to handle stress better, resolve conflict more quickly, and build stronger relationships.
This guide will walk you through the science of emotions, everyday tools for emotional regulation, and summaries of influential books to help you keep growing.
How to control your emotions — Quick steps:
1. Pause and take deep breaths before responding.
2. Identify what emotion you're feeling.
3. Use positive self-talk to ground yourself.
4. Reframe negative thoughts with cognitive reappraisal.
5. Practice mindfulness daily to build resilience.
Why emotional regulation matters
Emotional regulation isn't just about keeping your cool in tough moments — it shapes how you relate to others, make decisions, and build trust with yourself.
Without it, small missteps can become recurring patterns without it. If things feel like they're too much, you might lash out, shut down, or withdraw more often. Over time, these reactions can erode genuine connection, not just with loved ones, but with yourself.
You might start second-guessing your responses, struggling to feel safe in relationships, or feeling ashamed after moments of reactivity. That's how dysregulation works: it chips away slowly, making you feel unstable, unpredictable, or unworthy of love and connection.
But when you have the tools to pause, breathe, and reflect, you create a different path grounded in clarity, repair, and self-leadership.
As Brené Brown writes in 'The Gifts of Imperfection,'
"We cannot selectively numb our emotions. When we numb the painful ones, we also numb the positive ones."
The goal isn't emotional perfection — it's connection. When you regulate your emotions, you show up with more presence, softness, and resilience. That's what keeps relationships thriving — and self-trust intact.
ow to manage emotions: Tools you can use every day
Here's where things get practical. These techniques help you regulate your emotional responses, whether you're navigating stress, conflict, or trauma triggers. Over time, they build safety and trust within your body, which is key to long-term emotional health.
1. Take long breaths to calm your nervous system
When emotions are high, the body needs a signal that it's safe.
Slowed breathing activates your parasympathetic nervous system, which is responsible for rest and recovery. It also slows your heart rate, calms your thoughts, and helps you return to the present moment.
Try this: Inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 4, exhale for 6. Repeat 3–5 times. Do this before reacting, during conflict, or as a daily practice.
This technique may feel small, but it helps shift your system out of "fight or flight" and back into self-control. If you are dealing with trauma response, such techniques alone might not be enough. Seeking professional support can be crucial.
2. Reframe your thoughts using reappraisal
What you think shapes how you feel, too. Cognitive reappraisal is a tool that helps you reinterpret a situation so it doesn't trigger such strong negative emotions.
Instead of thinking that, "They ignored me on purpose." Try reframing it as "Maybe they're distracted or overwhelmed — it's not necessarily about me."
Richard Davidson explains in 'The Emotional Life of Your Brain,' "Your emotional style is your brain's way of responding to the world—and it can change."
The next time you're upset, ask, "What else could be true here?" That one question can shift everything.
3. Journal to build emotional awareness and safety
Journaling helps create space between what you feel and how you respond.
It slows your thoughts, allows emotions to settle, and brings patterns into focus, especially ones that repeat.
Over time, it becomes more than a coping tool. It supports emotional insight, helping you track recurring triggers, unmet needs, and internal narratives.
Writing down your experiences also builds self-awareness and trust. You're no longer reacting mindlessly — you're learning from your emotional experiences with clarity and care.
4. Practice mindfulness to anchor in the present
Mindfulness is noticing what's happening without judgment.
It can help you catch emotional reactions before they take over. It also helps you return to the present when your mind pulls you into the past or future (which is common when you're triggered).
Try this simple practice:
Feel your feet on the ground
Notice three things you see
Take one slow breath in and one long breath out
As long as you practice mindfulness regularly, even one minute can reset your emotional state and increase your self-regulation capacity.
5. Bonus tools for somatic grounding
You might be surprised, but emotions live more in the body than the mind. However, we tend to notice them in the form of a mental race, when stress hormones take over our bodies. These physical tools help you regulate your system when you can't think clearly.
Shake out your arms and legs to release tension
Hug a pillow or wrap yourself in a blanket for comfortable hug-like pressure
Try humming or singing, as those do wonders for your nervous system
Walk barefoot to bring your attention to your body
Splash cold water on your face to signal safety to your brain
These practices don't "solve" the emotion — but they help you stay present, create an embodied container for it, and reduce overwhelm.
If you cope by overeating or avoiding emotions, check out our guide to emotional eating.
Integrating emotional regulation into daily life
You don't need a crisis to practice emotional regulation. The best time to start is when things are calm.
Build small habits like:
Breathing before checking your phone
Journaling after difficult conversations
Checking in with your emotional state each morning
Moving your body gently when emotions feel stuck
Don't wait for a breakdown to start caring for yourself. Emotional regulation is a form of preventive self-care, not punishment.
For more tools, explore our emotions library.
Understanding your brain: Why emotions feel so intense
Emotions don't begin with thoughts alone. They arise from your nervous system.
When your brain detects a potential threat, your amygdala sends an alert. Your heart rate rises, your breath shortens, and your muscles tense. This is your body's fight, flight, or freeze response — an instinct to keep you safe.
In modern life, however, the trigger might be a disapproving look, an unanswered message, or a sharp tone. And once the alarm sounds, your brain's reasoning center goes offline.
That's why strong emotions can feel disproportionate in the moment, even when the situation seems minor in hindsight.
In 'Descartes' Error,' Antonio Damasio explains,
"We are not thinking machines that feel; we are feeling machines that think."
Emotions aren't separate from logic. They're a key part of it. Knowing when and how to regulate your nervous system is a doorway to staying connected, even under pressure.
The difference between being triggered and feeling emotions
There's a big difference between feeling an emotion and being triggered and knowing that can be life-changing.
When you feel a natural emotion, like sadness or frustration, your body processes it and eventually lets it pass. These emotions respond to what's happening here and now.
A triggered response occurs when your body reacts to something in the present as if it were a past threat. The reaction is fast, automatic, and often overwhelming. It's not just emotion — it's survival mode.
For example, say your partner forgets to text. Instead of mild disappointment, you feel abandoned. You can't concentrate. Your chest is tight. Your thoughts spiral. That's not just sadness — it's a triggered trauma response.
Signs of being triggered may include:
Sudden rage or panic
Going numb or shutting down
Overreacting to small things
Feeling unsafe for reasons you can't explain
Being triggered is not a failure. It's your nervous system doing its best to protect you from old pain. Try touching your chest, taking a slow breath, and reminding yourself: "This feeling is real, but I am safe now." This will pass. It always does.
A trauma-informed approach means recognizing and meeting these moments with grounding, breath, and compassion, not shame or control.
If these moments happen often or your triggers feel unmanageable, consider working with a trauma-informed therapist. Healing is possible — and you're not alone in it.
Explore our resources on emotional healing and attachment theory to learn more.
What to do when emotions affect your relationships
Emotions don't just live inside you. They show up in how you talk, argue, and treat the people you care about, especially in close or romantic relationships.
When you don't understand your own emotions, it's easy to misread others. A short text might trigger fear. A delay in plans might spark anger. Negative thoughts can spiral fast, especially if you've had a hard time feeling safe with others in your past.
That's why it helps to check in with yourself and your loved ones regularly.
Ask:
"What am I feeling right now?"
"What do I need?"
"Is this a true problem, or a triggered reaction to the past hurt?"
Use self-talk to stay grounded:
"This is hard, but I'm okay."
"This is a big feeling — it won't last forever."
If you've had emotional outbursts in the past, repair matters more than perfection. A simple apology can go a long way: "I'm sorry for snapping. That wasn't about you."
Learning to express intense emotions healthily strengthens your bonds. It allows space for honesty without harm. It also helps you let go of the patterns that no longer serve your relationships.
Want more insights? Listen to Headway's favorite podcasts on mental health, or read a new book that supports your personal growth.
Book summaries to support your emotional journey
The Headway app offers quick, insightful summaries of the best emotional wellness books.
Start with:
The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown: Learn how self-compassion and vulnerability create emotional strength.
Descartes' Error by Antonio Damasio: Explore the science of how emotion and logic work together to shape your choices.
The Emotional Life of Your Brain by Richard Davidson: Discover your emotional style and how to reshape it over time.
Learn more about emotional regulation from Headway book summaries
Emotions aren't obstacles to overcome — they're bridges to understanding yourself more deeply. Emotional management doesn't require perfection. It asks for presence, honesty, and practice.
Each time you pause instead of reacting, you're choosing growth. You're investing in your mental health, relationships, and ability to stay grounded when life gets hard.
These skills take time to build but are within reach with the right tools and support.
If you're ready to strengthen your awareness and response, Headway offers practical guidance to support your progress, one insight at a time.
Join thousands of learners building emotional clarity every day. Download Headway now and start mastering emotional control in just 15 minutes a day.
Frequently Asked Questions
How do I control my emotional outbursts?
To control emotional outbursts, pause and take slow breaths as soon as you notice the intensity rising. Naming the emotion you're feeling can also help create distance between the feeling and your response. Over time, tools like journaling, cognitive reappraisal, and mindfulness can reduce how often outbursts happen by building greater emotional awareness.
How to stop absorbing other people's emotions?
If you tend to absorb others' emotions, grounding exercises can help anchor you in your own experience. Visualizing a boundary between yourself and others, practicing mindfulness, and limiting exposure to emotionally intense situations can also protect your energy. Developing emotional boundaries is key.
How to stop letting people influence you?
Start by identifying when others' opinions or emotions are affecting your choices. Practicing self-reflection and setting personal goals can help strengthen your sense of self. Emotional boundaries — knowing what's yours to carry and what isn't — are essential for staying grounded in your own values and decisions.
How to build emotional boundaries?
Start by noticing when you feel overwhelmed, resentful, or drained in interactions. These can be signs that boundaries are needed. Communicate your limits clearly and calmly, and reinforce them consistently. Building emotional boundaries takes practice, but it supports healthier relationships and personal balance.
How do I turn off feelings?
It's not healthy or realistic to completely turn off feelings. Instead, learning to regulate overwhelming emotions can help. Techniques like deep breathing, mindfulness, and grounding can reduce the intensity of emotions without suppressing them. If emotions feel unmanageable, a trauma-informed therapist can provide valuable support.
Why do I cry so easily?
Crying easily can be influenced by stress, emotional sensitivity, hormone levels, or past trauma. It's a natural response and not something to be ashamed of. If frequent crying feels disruptive to your daily life, exploring emotional regulation techniques or consulting a therapist may help.
How to get emotional freedom?
Emotional freedom comes from understanding, accepting, and regulating your emotions rather than avoiding or suppressing them. Practicing mindfulness, setting boundaries, and building emotional intelligence are all paths toward greater emotional clarity and resilience.
