Do you sometimes feel unhappy, overwhelmed, or worried about challenges in life? That’s okay; don’t give up; it’s human nature. But what is not okay is feeling this way all of the time. Life changes in the blink of an eye, and the world has so much more to offer than being anxious. Sadly, many people are stuck in this rut; while some put in hard work to free themselves, others do not even know why they feel this way. It’s simple; they’re deficient in a life skill that gives them the power to become happier and more successful. That skill is a simple life hack called Mental Strength.
“The strength of your mind determines the quality of your life.” Edmond Mbiaka
The good news is that you can easily improve your mental strength by breaking widespread habits that waste time. These insights come from Amy Morin’s 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do, a great eye-opener that shows readers where they’re lacking and what healthy habits they need to improve mental strength. Amy Morin (LCSW) is one of the best psychotherapists in her field and has written many psychology-related books, which you can find on Amazon and her website, amymorinlcsw.com. Most of them have been translated into as many as 35 languages. She also contributes to Forbes and many top psychology websites while lecturing at Northeastern University, Boston, and hosting her podcast “Mentally Stronger.”
Understanding mental strength
Everyone has varying levels of mental strength, just like we all have different amounts of physical strength. This is why some experiences that may devastate some people’s success might not be so bad for others. In her book, Amy shares a very trying period of her life when she lost her mother suddenly after a brief illness. While she was still recovering from the grief, she lost her first husband too. According to Amy, it was emotionally, mentally, and physically exhausting. Four years later, she suffered another loss: her new husband’s father.
All that had happened might have been too much for someone else’s mental health to handle. However, Amy made a decision that enriched her life for the better. She decided to focus on what not to do to ensure she came out on the other side of her grief. You can also employ Amy's techniques to become mentally bulletproof. The following sections will reveal what you need to do for near-immediate results.
5 common habits mentally strong people should avoid
“Increasing the strength of our minds is the only way to reduce the difficulty of life.” Mokokoma Mokhonoana
The following techniques are only a few (the most common ones) of Amy Morin’s methods. They help you deal with grief and will better equip you to face life’s challenges. They allow you to take back power from your first failure, procrastination, and fears while you also smash all your goals.
1. Feeling sorry for themselves
When a person is going through the downsides of a challenge or experiencing grief, they often feel like they’re the only ones who face such bad things. But in reality, everybody goes through challenges, and only by accepting these challenges and embracing change do we become more assertive.
Amy tells the story of Jack, a schoolboy who got involved in an accident. Even though the doctors promised a full recovery, his mother kept reminding him about his accident and how his leg may never fully heal. Of course, this greatly affected Jack’s mental health so much that he had to see a therapist. His therapist taught him to see the good in the terrible event that had happened to him instead of remaining perpetually sorrowful. He channeled his grief into writing about how he beat his challenge and eventually wrote a book called How to Beat a School Bus. To become mentally strong just like Jack, you must never waste your alone time in self-pity to become mentally strong.
2. Shying away from change
Although change is constant, it doesn’t stop being difficult. We all fear change, and that is because it takes us out of the comfort of what we know and into a heightened state of self-awareness. As a mentally strong person, you need to know how to confront, embrace, and adjust to change the right way. If you try to change too much too suddenly, you are setting yourself up to fail!
A man named Richard went to see Amy, his psychotherapist, because he felt he wasn’t making progress with his physical health, making the same mistakes over and over. He had recently been diagnosed with diabetes and looked to make diet changes and create healthy habits for a healthier lifestyle. He also had plans to build his physical strength by hitting the gym to lose weight. But you see, he wasn’t handling change correctly, which led to him avoiding it altogether. However, he wasn’t just sidestepping the gym; he was also eating more junk than before. He was changing too much, too fast. Amy encouraged him to choose one thing to change at a time and not to expect clear and immediate results, which helped him handle his new lifestyle more effectively.
A mentally strong person must pace themselves when dealing with change to avoid getting overwhelmed and eventually abandoning it.
3. Worrying about pleasing everybody
Megan came to see Amy in her office because she felt overwhelmed and stressed out. She was a young married woman with two young children. Besides her part-time job, Megan was a Girl Scout troop leader and taught Sunday school. She even babysat for her sister and did many other activities to help others, which took up her time. It was evident that Megan didn’t know how to say no. She was a people-pleaser. She said her biggest fear was that people would think she was selfish. Her lifestyle became overwhelming and affected her marriage, family life, and mental health significantly. Thankfully, Amy helped her discover that her need always to feel liked was even more selfish than saying ‘no’ to a request. She was ignoring herself, her well-being, and her personal needs.
You cannot please everyone, so don’t try to. To improve your mental strength, self-awareness, and overall well-being, you need to learn to say ‘no’ sometimes. If you don’t, you will become so mentally and physically depleted that you may become overcome and underproductive.
4. Afraid of taking calculated risks
Many people are guilty of being afraid to take risks in diverse areas of their lives, and inadequate knowledge of handling these calculated risks can increase this fear. Dale had been a teacher all his life but dreamed of owning a furniture store. When he told his wife about his plans, she simply rolled her eyes and called him a dreamer. But the more Dale thought about it, the more he wanted to go for it, even though he couldn’t bring himself to make the decision. After a therapy session with Amy, he decided to open his store on a part-time basis. If it yielded great returns, he would go all out, open full-time, and maybe even quit being a teacher.
Taking calculated risks comes with the package of building your mental strength and healthy habits through hard work. You can’t do anything without it, so don't give up. The more you practice risk-taking, the more your skills will improve, and the more accurate your calculated risks will be.
5. Dwelling on the past
Healing from the past doesn’t happen by dwelling on self-pity — the present is waiting. We cannot undo the things we did in the past, so why do we waste energy by trapping ourselves in guilt and shame? There’s no sense in that. Learn to leave the past in the past and be open to the present.
Gloria was fifty-five years old with an unemployed daughter (June) who wasn't doing so well for herself. Since turning eighteen, June moved out of the house and back in countless times, changed boyfriends at the snap of a finger, and practiced other unhealthy and worrying habits. However, Gloria allowed June to do what she wanted because it was the least she could do to make up for not being a good mother in the past. She was trapped in the guilt that her former lifestyle made June behave like she had. Through therapy, Gloria discovered that she was self-condemning, which caused her to treat June the way she did and accept her daughter's excesses. She learned that her behavior wasn't helping June but was enabling her.
Living in the past doesn’t allow for progress or personal growth. To become mentally strong, you need to let go of the past; if you don’t, you are self-destructing.
“Mental strength is what separates champions from near champions.” Rafael
As you routinely work out to stay physically fit, adopting and practicing these strategies will strengthen your mental muscle and keep you mentally fit. You may not see clear and immediate changes, but you’ll get better as you keep at it. It is a personal journey, and you must learn to coach yourself to succeed. To grow mentally strong, remember to take these three steps daily: keep track of your new avoided habits and maintain positive behavior; manage your emotions so they don’t control you; and stay on top of your thoughts by identifying and replacing irrational ones with realistic ones.
Boost Your Mental Strength in Just 15 Minutes!
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